Daytime Post

This is my first daytime post on the MS Blog, and I'm not sure why I'm writing since I'm not particularly depressed, itchy, in pain, or unable to sleep (at least no more than usual). I took my second dose of Betaseron yesterday, and I have to say it was much easier on the first day when the nurse was here and I jabbed myself in the stomach. I decided to inject myself in the thigh yesterday, and it was not so good. The needle pulled out the first time and I had to inject myself again. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to handle those types of mishap--whether I need to throw out the whole dose and start again with a new one, but I just went ahead and stuck myself again with the same syringe. The trickiest part of the whole venture is that once you stick yourself, you need to pull the plunger out to see if any blood goes into the syringe. If it does, you've supposedly hit a blood vessel and you need to throw out the whole needle and start again. If you don't get any blood, then you can go ahead and inject the Betaseron. I guess it'll become second nature to me since I've got to do it every other day from now on. Two injections down and so far I've had none of the side effects I've read about, at least not severe enough to be too bothersome. There's some achiness I've noticed and some other weird sensations in my limbs, but I'll continue to monitor the effects.

I've had great luck getting donations from friends and family for the MS Walk we'll be doing in Richmond this April 21. I've managed to get $650 in pledges already and more has been promised, so I'm pleased about that. My back has been naggingly aching lately, but that's just the latest in a long series of weird ailments that I can't quite decide whether or not they're MS related.

Had another psychotherapy meeting on Friday and it went pretty well--turns out my coping strategies have all been okay, and she didn't have any other helpful advice for me (except maybe to go ahead and do more of the coping strategies, like getting up and working late at night instead of laying in bed worrying, and going ahead and taking the sleep medications I've been prescribed instead of trying to fall asleep on my own). That's it for now.

Betaseron Begins

It's seemed like forever that I've been waiting for my first delivery of Betaseron to arrive, but it came yesterday, and the nurse came by the house to help me inject it today. So far, I haven't had too bad of a reaction--just a little muscle ache, but I took 3 Advil before the injection to counter any possible effects. My itchy neck still isn't any better, but I'm getting used to it after a month and a half. The anti-convulsant I'm taking doesn't seem to have much effect.

I've been pretty cheerful lately, except at night when it's hard to sleep, and then I start feeling pretty depressed. I know we're all moving toward death, but the forward progress seems a little more obvious to me lately. To paraphrase King Lear, everything smells of mortality to me. It's not necessarily a bad thing during the day to be reminded of one's impermanence, but at night, at least for me, things get a bit tougher.

Anyway, I didn't mean to get morbid there. Just an observation. Keeping on the Swank diet seems too easy--I think I must be doing it wrong. Staying off red meats, milkfats, and other saturated fats and eating plenty of good oils, including fish oils, along with lots of fruits and vegetables, isn't a very strict diet as far as I'm concerned.

Bella and the kids are great as always. I just signed up for the Richmond, Virginia MS Walk coming up on April 21, and have created a website for anyone who'd like to contribute, so I'll just put the link to the URL here: My MS Walk Webpage.

Bella just bought tickets for her and Josh to go to St. Petersburg this summer--I'm glad I'm not going, but can't say I'm happy they are. We'll deal with it. Going to see the therapist tomorrow to talk over some of these feelings I'm having. That's it for now.

Itching like mad!

So here I am at what I hope is the tail-end of my second-ever flare-up and am regaining the use of my right hand to the point where it doesn't feel like a rubber chicken on the end of my arm, but this damned itching on the right side of my neck at bedtime is driving me crazy. I can't be absolutely sure the itching is related to the MS, but I can't imagine what else it might be. It started in January right around the beginning of this flare-up and hasn't really stopped. It doesn't look like shingles, and if I restrain myself and don't scratch, it really doesn't look like anything. I read on the National MS Society webpage that itching is a possible symptom and that if MS is the cause, the only things that might work are

• anticonvulsants, such as carbamazepine (Tegretol®), diphenylhydantoin (Dilantin®), and gabapentin (Neurontin®)
• antidepressants, such as amitriptyline (Elavil®) and the MAO inhibitors
• the antihistamine hydroxyzine (Atarax®).

Well, so far I've tried the Gabapentin anmd the Atarax, and neither seem to help. Lorazepam, which I guess is in the Valium family, has been mildly effective in at least calming me down enough to let me fall asleep. In fact, I just popped one and am typing this waiting for it to take effect. I think I feel it starting--We'll see.

I guess I'll sign out for now--until the next sleepless night...

Going back to work

After 5 days in the hospital with a steroid drip, I spent last week recovering (I'm not sure how much of that was recovering from the exacerbation and how much was recovering from the steroids). I'm still not sure how much more feeling and mobility I can expect to return to my right hand, and whether or not my torso will regain full feeling, but I'm starting to learn that I'll need to make the best of things no matter what. The love and concern from my friends and family have really been a blessing, and I've been able to be pretty psychologically stable thanks to them.

I'm waiting for my first shipment of Betaseron to arrive (sometime next week I think) and I'm really looking forward to get back to work on Monday. I went in just to say "Hi!" on Friday and ended up almost with a full plate, so I can see that my colleagues are eager to have me back too.

I've been sleeping better thanks I think to Melatonin (3mg dose) and the xenophobia I've felt thanks in part to my sense of frailty has been waning. Every once in a while a Lorazepam does wonders for my nerves, but I didn't need one at all today. I drove today for the first time in two weeks, and my right leg was a bit fatigued. Still have this weird itch/rash on my right side of the throat, which I suspect is Shingles, but I guess I'll ask the doctor to check it for sure on Tuesday when I see her.

That's all for now. Bella's reading over my shoulder.

Diagnosis

It was last week today that I went to the hospital around 5:30pm with chest pains that I thought were a heart attack, and while it was a relief to find that my heart was fine, my continuing stiffness and numbness in my right hand and the numbness in my torso worried the cardiologist enough to call in a neurologist to have a look at me. Ironically, the neurologist on call at the hospital that night was the same doctor I had made an appointment with for the next day. She ordered an MRI and off I went at 9pm for 2 hours of torture, and when I came out of the tube, hot and sweaty and exhausted at 11pm, she introduced herself, identified two lesions in my spine, and diagnosed me with MS. I must admit it was a shock--I didn't know anything about the disease (amazing how much you can learn in a week), and wanted someone to come in and say it was all a big mistake. But alas, instead it was off for a midnight spinal tap. Believe me, if you've never had a spinal tap, you're not missing anything. I can still feel it when I talk about it today.

Well, it was a long night but I finally made it to a hospital room at around 5:30am, and would remain there on a steroid drip and to be observed for the next 5 days. While the focus has been on me this past week, and while I am of course concerned about my health, I'm more concerned about Bella and the kids, and what lies in store for them. Last Tuesday was Bella's 41st birthday--my MS diagnosis was not the present I was hoping to give her. The year before, we took the kids to Italy for her birthday, a trip we've wanted to take ever since we met. This November will be our 20th wedding anniversary, and I plan on doing everything I can to make sure we can celebrate properly.